Dear Sugar,
I am sending out invitations to my bachelorette party and it just occurred to me that I am inviting girls that are not invited to my wedding. Is that considered poor etiquette? -- Clueless Cameron
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Dear Clueless Cameron--
I am glad you wrote to me before you sent off those invites! The bachelorette party, just like any engagement party or wedding shower leading up to the big day, is meant for guests whom you intend to invite to your wedding. Since the bachelorette party is typically the last event before your wedding, I do think it would be considered poor etiquette to invite people who are not welcome at your wedding.
At the bachelorette party, there will be a lot of conversation about the wedding that is bound to make uninvited guests feel uncomfortable and left out. It is perfectly acceptable to invite girls who are not in your wedding party, and while this decision is completely discretionary, I would lean against opening the invitation to those not going to your wedding. While you might feel the more the merrier, you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings! Congratulations and have fun!
Lanvin
Unless you are doing a small family-only wedding, then it sounds like a bad idea.
1I agree. Not a very nice thing to do.
2why would you do that? don't.
3i hope you didn't send the invites out already! good save on the second-guessing.
4btw, i LOVE these new comment boxes. i feel like i'm in a comic book or something...
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5Don't do it!!! I think this is definitely poor etiquette. Only invite those that are invited to your wedding. Have fun!
6I would say it is quite inconsidered of you to invite them. If you have time, stop the invites.
7I agree. It is bad. Don't do it. It looks very tacky.
8There is a girl friend I have in the city who I'm only so so friends with, not because I don't think she's great, but because we just have never spent a lot of time together. I never in a million years expected to be invited to the wedding. But I swear I was hoping to be invited to the bachelorette party! And since my close friend organized the party for her, I ended up being invited, though I couldn't go. But if I could have, I definitely would have! And I wouldn't have been bitter AT ALL.
If it's done right, it might be okay to hang with these so less close friends might be thrilled to have a fun night out with you.
9traditional etiquette states that you shouldn't invite people to wedding functions (i.e., reception dinner, bridal shower, etc.) who aren't invited to the wedding. the end. do it if you want to, but be prepared for the embarrassment.
10Most people have someone else plan the party, maybe they can be your "scapegoat" they wouldn't know any better right?
11I'd be insulted if I was asked to the Bachelorette Party and not the wedding. I say no.
12I was invited to a Bachelorette party for a girl whose wedding I wasn't invited to, and I was fine with it. I guess it depends if you think they would find it offensive or not.
13I agree with the others. It looks like you're trying to get gifts out of people you didn't consider fit to invite to your big day. I understand that may be far from the truth, but that's how it LOOKS.
14At my best friend's bachelorette party there was girl that came that wasn't invited to the wedding. One of the other bridesmaids, that wasn't as close with the rest of us, asked the bride if she could invite her friend that we all had met before so she could be more comfortable. We all had a good time.
15Ugh! I feel bad. I have invited (already) 4 girls that were not invited to the wedding. I am having a destination wedding and so only super close friends were invited. However, I did invite some girls from work to the "bachelorette party" because, to be honest a few of them asked me about it. If I was having one, etc. Is this bad? Can't I just use the "Destination Wedding" excuse?
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19Wow, I couldn't disagree more w/ the majority opinion here! I don't know a single person who would be more offended being invited to just a bachelorette party than nothing at all. First, we're talking bachelorette party, not bridal shower - no gifts are required at bachelorette parties - so no one thinks you're inviting them for more gifts.
You all sound like if you invite someone to your bachelorette party who is not invited to your wedding that person will suddenly realize she's not invited to the wedding. Please. People understand the restraints weddings create - expensive affairs where family must be invited first. People want to celebrate with you and be included in some way. Inviting someone to your bachelorette party who you just couldn't fit on the wedding invite list reinforces that you still consider her a great friend. Point is - a bachelorette party invite to someone not invited to the wedding isn't going to add offense. They were either already offended or not. If that person is important enough to you that you want her to be there to celebrate w/ you - invite her!
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