Wow, this is a problem I've never heard of before. And how awkward for you! Sounds to me like she's just bulldozing her way into being in your wedding party and knows full well she was never asked. Unfortunately, the only way to deal with this issue is directly, which isn't easy. But you'll have to tell her what her mother told yours, and that you're keeping your wedding party small but are thrilled she'll be at your wedding to share the day with you. Good Luck!

I have a friend who assumed she was going to be a bridesmaid. I just went ahead and let her without saying anything. I also had a younger cousin who assumed she could be a junior bridesmaid and I also let her. Neither of them are the overly dramatic type so it wasn't such a big deal. My friend paid for everything herself anyway, so it did not really affect my budget, with the exception of having to buy another bridesmaids gift. I did, however, have to pay for my little cousins outfit.

If you are really worried about her causing a scene, then you may have to tell her at the risk of ruining your friendship. If you value your friendship you may tell her in a joking way(if it is possible)to calm down her dramatic behavior at the wedding. Good luck with whatever decision you make.

I would talk to her and explain...I mean...It's YOUR day...you do as you please...I've been in the same position, but with my older sister...she was picking MY dress and the bridesmaids dresses and colors that would suit her...so I gave her a few chances to quit planning for me until I got fed up and talked to her...It did hurt her feelings but then she realized that it is MY day and not hers...
So talk to her...it's gonna be better for you to enjoy your special day than stressing out over her! If she really loves you, she will understand

Tough one. Um, I would just take her to coffee and tell her outright. And give a GOOD REASON why you picked your original 3 v. her. You're better friends and you have a limited budget, etc. Something. The last thing you need is a bridesmaid who's all about the drama!

ouch that's a toughie! but I agree with Marci and Cherry. It is your day, talk to her and enjoy your day.

__________________________

In da club with my hommies

I agree with everyone sorry that there is no magic answer--- just tell her no.

TINA!

ps--- man talk about an akward situation

TINA!

What about explaining to her that you wanted to keep the bridal party small, but you would love for her to be an "honorary" bridesmaid? She wouldn't match the other bridesmaids and wouldn't walk down the aisle, but she can get ready with you on the day-of so she feels included, and maybe you can ask her to help out with some day-of task, like ensuring that all guests sign the guest book. I'm going to wind up with a few "honorary" bridesmaids -- not because of situations like yours, but just because I have more close friends than I would want to ask to officially be in my wedding party. From my experience, these girls were happy with the situation - while they're not officially part of the wedding party, it shows that they mean quite a lot to me and I want to be able to spend quality time with them on the day of my wedding.

Why not ask her to do some other part in the wedding, such as light the candles, cut/serve the cake, hand out programs, guest book attendant, or read a few verses of scripture or a special poem...
if you ask her to do something else it should be pretty obvious to her that she's not a bridesmaid, but then again - if she's the type that has already started shopping for your bridesmaid dresses without talking to you - she might not get the hint.

I think you just need to be honest and up front with her. You can't have everyone in your wedding party that you like or are friends with. I would, as others have suggested, ask her to be apart of the wedding in another way. Since you are afraid of her drama, I would stay away from anything that would put her front and center. While julie's idea can work for some, honorary bridesmaids are usually people that can't attend the wedding. If she has another task she doesn't need to have the title of bridesmaid.

I know confrontation is not fun, but you have to do it.

just be HONEST and upfront. don't try to hide it from her or dance around the subject. and the longer you draw it out, the worse it will be.

i mean, it's not your fault she made assumptions.

Make her your personal attendant. It will give her plenty to do before, during and after the wedding.
If you have to, make a big deal out of how much it would mean to you.
If she wants to shell out bucks for a dress, have her get one that coordinates with, but is less formal than the bridesmaid's.
If you decide to confront her, maybe, to soften the blow, ask her to help plan something like the Bachelorette Party because she is so fun, creative, etc.
Good Luck and Congratulations.
Let us know how it turns out.

I am in the same position except that this girl I've only known for about 4 months and hung out with her maybe 5 times. She went with me when I first initially went to look for dresses and found a bridesmaid dress to fit her body and claims that dress is the one i'm using. I don't know how to tell her she's not in the wedding either and i don't see why she has to be! she lives almost 4 hours away!!! I'm glad all you guys posted advice about this.